20 Darkly Fun Songs To Wash Your Hands To

Tired of humming "Happy Birthday" while you wash your hands? Try these 20 darkly fun tunes instead. / Photo by Geentanjal Khanna/ Unsplash Images

Washing our hands is now potentially a matter of life or death. 

The coronavirus pandemic has reminded us the value of simple things that now actually mean a helluva lot. 

According to guidelines issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, we should normally be washing our hands before, during and after prepping food, before eating, after using the bathroom, sneezing or coughing or taking out the garbage, among other things. 

The CDC says washing to help prevent the spread of Covid-19 involves five steps: 

  1. Wet your hands with clean, running water (warm or cold), turn off the tap, and apply soap.
  2. Lather your hands by rubbing them together with the soap. Lather the backs of your hands, between your fingers, and under your nails.
  3. Scrub your hands for at least 20 seconds. Need a timer? Hum the “Happy Birthday” song from beginning to end twice.
  4. Rinse your hands well under clean, running water.
  5. Dry your hands using a clean towel or air dry them.

Tired of humming “Happy Birthday”? We have some suggestions for your own kitchen sink karaoke.

Below are all or portions of 20 songs most of you know in some way. Each can provide a welcomed change and all-new reason to thoroughly wash your hands. 

Each excerpt is at least 20 seconds in length. Find one or a few you are familiar enough with to hum or sing along with and once you’re done, rinse.

Enjoy and stay safe out there, readers.

“Freddy’s Coming for You” song from A Nightmare on Elm Street

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you
Three, four, better lock your door
Five, six, grab your crucifix
Seven, eight, gonna stay up late
Nine, ten, never sleep again

Bela Lugosi’s Dead” by Bauhaus

White on white translucent black capes
Back on the rack
Bela Lugosi’s dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box

Bela Lugosi’s dead
Bela Lugosi’s dead
Undead, undead, undead
Undead, undead, undead

“Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult

All our times have come
Here but now they’re gone
Seasons don’t fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain,
we can be like they are

Come on baby, don’t fear the reaper
Baby take my hand, don’t fear the reaper
We’ll be able to fly, don’t fear the reaper
Baby I’m your man

“Helter Skelter” by The Beatles

When I get to the bottom

I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again
Do you, don’t you want me to love you
I’m coming down fast but I’m miles above you
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
come on tell me the answer
Well, you may be a lover but you ain’t no dancer

Helter skelter
Helter skelter
Helter skelter

“Paranoid” by Black Sabbath

Make a joke and I will sigh
and you will laugh and I will cry
Happiness I cannot feel
and love to me is so unreal
And so as you hear these words
telling you now of my state
I tell you to enjoy life
I wish I could but it’s too late

“The Addams Family” by Vic Mizzy

They’re creepy and they’re kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They’re all together ooky,
The Addams Family!

Their house is a museum,
When people come to see ‘em,
They really are a scre’am,
The Addams Family!

So get a witch’s shawl on,
A broomstick you can crawl on,
We’re gonna pay a call on,
The Addams Family

“Highway to Hell” by AC/DC

Living easy, living free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don’t need reason, don’t need rhyme
Ain’t nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too

I’m on the highway to hell
On the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I’m on the highway to hell

“Psycho Killer” by Talking Heads

I can’t seem to face up to the facts
I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax
I can’t sleep, ’cause my bed’s on fire
Don’t touch me, I’m a real live wire

Psycho killer, qu’est-ce que c’est?
Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run away
Oh-ho-ho-ho, aye-yi-yi-yi-yi, ooh

“People Are Strange” by The Doors

People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down

When you’re strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you’re strange
No one remembers your name
When you’re strange
When you’re strange
When you’re strange

“Grim Grinning Ghosts” from Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion

When the crypt doors creak
And the tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a singing wake
Happy haunts materialize
And begin to vocalize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
Now don’t close your eyes
And don’t try to hide
Or a silly spook may sit by your side
Shrouded in a daft disguise
They pretend to terrorize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize

“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra

Those fingers in my hair
That sly come-hither stare
That strips my conscience bare
It’s witchcraft

And I’ve got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
What good would common sense for it do?
‘Cause it’s witchcraft
Wicked witchcraft
And although, I know, it’s strictly taboo

“The Killing Moon” by Echo and the Bunnymen

Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you’ll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you
or cancel it though I know it must be
the killing time
Unwillingly mine

Fate, Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

“Deadman’s Party” by Oingo Boingo 

I was struck by lighting,
walkin’ down the street
I was hit by something
last night in my sleep

It’s a dead man’s party
who could ask for more?
Everybody’s comin’,
leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door
Don’t run away it’s only me

“Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden

In my eyes, indisposed
In disguises no one knows
Hides the face, lies the snake
The sun in my disgrace
Boiling heat, summer stench
Neath the black the sky looks dead
Call my name through the cream
And I’ll hear you scream again

Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come
Won’t you come

“Superstition” by Stevie Wonder

Very superstitious
Wash you face and hands
Rid me of the problem
Do all that you can
Keep me in a daydream
Keep me going strong
You don’t want to save me
Sad is my song
When you believe in things
That you don’t understand
Then you suffer
Superstition ain’t the way

“Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie

Who is this irresistible creature
Who has an insatiable lust for the dead?
Living dead girl!
Rage in the cage and piss upon the stage
There’s only one sure way to bring the giant down
Defunct the strings of cemetery things
With one flat foot on the devils wing
Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living dead girl

“Eyes Without a Face” by Billy Idol

When you hear the music, you make a dip
Into someone else’s pocket then make a slip
You steal a car and go to Las Vegas
Ooh, gigolo cool
Hanging out by the state line
Turning holy water into wine
Drinkin’ it down, oh, oh-oh, ow
I’m on a bus on a psychedelic trip
Reading murder books, tryin’ to stay hip
I’m thinkin’ of you, you’re out there, so
Say your prayers
Say your prayers
Say your prayers, oh oh

“Welcome to My Nightmare” by Alice Cooper

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you’re gonna like it
I think you’re gonna feel that you belong
We sweat laugh and scream here
‘Cause life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here
Welcome to my nightmare, yeah

“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” from The Grinch That Stole Christmas

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel
You’re as cuddly as a cactus
You’re as charming as an eel
Mr. Grinch
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel
You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch
Your heart’s an empty hole
Your brain is full of spiders
You’ve got garlic in your soul, Mr Grinch
I wouldn’t touch you with a
Thirty-nine and a half foot pole

Come on Eileen” /Covid-19 by Dexy’s Midnight Runners

Come on, Eileen, oh I swear (what he means)
At this moment, you mean everything
You in that dress, my thoughts I confess
Verge on dirty
Ah, come on, Eileen

or … (Halloween Every Night’s suggested parody to help you remember)

Covid-19, oh I swear what I mean
At this moment, you mean everything
You cause distress, my thoughts are a mess
But you’re deadly
ah Covid-19